22 Tishri 5787, October 3 2026
Motzaei Shabbat and Simchat Torah
Jerusalem, Har HaMenuchot
My dear children, children-in-law, grandchildren, family and friends,
It is extremely difficult to speak. Nearly sixty years of marriage is no small matter, and it needs time to fully comprehend.
In addition, I am limited in what I am allowed to say, because, coming out of a major festival, as we do today following Simchat Torah, halacha (Jewish Law) prohibits a proper eulogy.
So what do I say?
Only this: I believe that yesterday, Friday night, when my wife—your mother—passed away after I had just uttered the Kiddush to sanctify the day at her bedside, Olam Habah, the world to come, suddenly became more beautiful because such a great soul had joined its realm.
My dear Frijda was the epitome of modesty and humility, never ever putting herself in the forefront. She was the humble advisor to hundreds of people, helping them in their time of need.
We first met in the synagogue in Haarlem, Holland, when she was 14 and I was 15. For me it was the first time I had entered such a holy place, while she was totally familiar in this small place of worship. And so, she explained to me what it was all about. As always in all of her life, it was done with grace, dignity, and a big smile. Because of this, it is to her that I owe my Judaism.
She was a queen since her youth.
She studied in the famous Gateshead Women’s Seminar for Jewish Teachers in England while I was studying in its renowned yeshiva.
We were married in the Portuguese Spanish Synagogue in Amsterdam when she was 20 and I was 21. We lived in Gateshead for several years, afterwards moving to Holland before finally settling in Jerusalem.
These were happy years, with our fantastic children.
She supported me in everything. We were a true team. She ran a private “hostel” of kindness in our home where whole families used to arrive to lodge.
Never once did she complain when I was away from home, sometimes for over a month lecturing in the USA and other countries. Not a word of complaint. Nor did she complain when I came home very late at night after preparing lectures. Instead, we sat down to tea and cake and spoke. These were holy hours.
In all that she did, she looked after all of us, creating a warm home, full of Torah.
And now that she stands in front of the Heavenly Throne, she can tell HaKadosh Baruch Hu:
I did what You asked me to do. I am the only child of my parents. We are now more than 60 people in our family.
To have children is one thing, but for all these children to walk in the way of Your Torah is something my husband and I strove for, and with Your help we delivered. Our great dream was fulfilled.
The last three months, Frijda suffered tremendously. All this time our children, our daughter-in-law, our sons-in-law, grandsons and granddaughters—along with many great friends—stayed at her bedside 24 hours a day, without missing even one minute. No words can describe this.
Just before she passed away, all of us stood at her bedside, said the Shema: Hear Israel, The Lord our God, The Lord is One. We sang Adon Olam and many more deeply religious songs.
It was as if the angels surrounded us and sang with us; a moment of intense holiness.
To die is to come home to where we all come from and to where we will all return.
Here below is pain and avelut—mourning—but Above there is a mazal tov because an outstanding soul has arrived. A new birth.
May HaKadosh Baruch Hu give my Frijda all the simcha she deserves.
A wonderful woman.
Although it is forbidden to speak to those who are no longer with us, I cannot stop myself from saying to my dear Frijda, I love you into eternity.
And one line in Dutch: Dank wel voor alles wat je voor mij, al de kinderen en zoveel anderen hebt gedaan.
Our Queen.
To read this essay in Hebrew:
דברים שאמרתי בלוויה של אשתי היקרה רחל פרידה לופס קרדוזו ז”ל
